I wanted to get a little personal today about how blogging has affected our relationship and marriage. When I had mentioned writing a post on this topic, I got lots of messages from bloggers dealing with the same things! Blogging takes time and commitment, and can often interfere with our daily life and relationships! Now, I’m not claiming to be an expert on this topic, but these are just things that we have dealt with and worked through!
I don’t think Jon or I knew what we were getting into when I started my blog and it hasn’t always been easy! We’ve had arguments about time, money, and me being present in the moment. I think this is probably similar for anyone starting a business–and that’s what our blogs are–businesses. Starting a business requires time, money and commitment.
Unless someone has worked in the social media or content creating field, it is hard for others to understand the time that it takes to create content, generate ideas, and execute plans. And if you are like me and still working a full-time job, this can be difficult–theres more than just standing in front of a camera to take a picture!! I don’t do nearly as much with the blog as I would like to. But I’ve also made the decision that I still need to take time for my relationship and ensure that it stays strong. Creating a brand for yourself doesn’t happen overnight–it takes time. Don’t expect you will get 100k followers on Instagram in 2 months, so remember to enjoy life and be in the moment–something that I am still working on myself!
Communication and compromise are are key for us. Communication isn’t necessarily a strong point for either of us, but when issues do arise, we are good at talking it through and coming up with a compromise or solution. Sometimes these issues have been festering and turn into an argument, but I think that having disagreements and arguments is totally fine–it’s how you respond and handle them that is important. Keep reading for a little more insight into specific issues we’ve dealt with.
Thanks to everyone who sent in their questions and comments!
1. Is Jon supportive of the blog?
Yes. But at the beginning he was skeptical. There was actually a time that I thought I might give it up because I knew he didn’t fully believe in the blog. I was needing him to take my pictures, and some days were full of us being grumpy at each other for the photoshoots that were difficult or didn’t turn out how we planned. But I loved doing it, so I stuck to it and dragged my poor husband along to reluctantly take my photos. 😛
I think at some point he realized that he was in this as much as I was, and things have gotten significantly better. Eventually I hope to take the blog full-time, and I will need his continued support, so we have begun treating this business as a partnership. Jon loves business strategy, so he has been very helpful with throwing out ideas and making me consider different approaches to the business.
Tip: Don’t get upset at your partner for not understanding. Try to think of it from their perspective. Blogging can take time away from you as a couple and this can leave the other person feeling neglected or unimportant. It can help to explain how much blogging means to you and the purpose for which you are doing it. It took a while for Jon to come around, but he has been incredible at trying to understand where I’m coming from–although it hasn’t always been easy on him!
2. Does your husband like taking your pictures?
No! Even though he puts in an amazing effort and can take some really good photos, he still doesn’t love it. But photoshoots are much easier than they were at the beginning! If we are to continue this business–they have to happen and Jon realizes the importance of having good quality photos, so he has made an effort to learn.
Tip for shooting with your significant other: Be organized and prepared. Jon hates when I am not prepared for shoots–he doesn’t want them to drag out longer than they have to. Fair enough. Haha! This includes having all my outfits ready and packed, as well as locations picked. We often shoot right before church, so we don’t have time to be scouting for locations that morning. This allows us to bang out a bunch of outfits without wasting time! Also, be patient and stay positive. If he is getting grumpy or upset, don’t get upset yourself, stay positive and thank him for taking time to do this for you.
3. Does Jon get upset if you are on your phone too much?
Yes. It was definitely a big issue when I first started blogging and has been a topic of conversation many times. Nowadays I make an effort to be more present and engaged when we are together, such as driving together or having conversations. But Jon has also come to realize that it is part of the job and since I work a full-time day job, the nights are when I am able to be on my phone. Some nights I come home and literally spend the entire night on my computer–especially when I have collabs that have specific deadlines. But on the days when I don’t HAVE to be on my computer or phone, I am making more of an effort to spend time together. Even though this means I don’t spend as much time replying to comments, creating content, or engaging on other peoples photos, etc. I don’t have time to do everything at the moment, so I have to make decisions on what gets done or not done.
Tip: When we are driving together and I need to post, or do something on my phone, I will just mention the I need 5 minutes to finish something up. He understands that I have things to do, but this just lets him know that I am aware of my time on the phone and will be present with him once I am done. This can also work at home too. Communicating what you are doing or setting a time limit gets both parties on the same page and can hold you accountable to finish something up.
4. Is spending money on the blog an issue?
Yes, it can be-especially since I don’t like budgeting. Jon and I were discussing money, and he asked how much I spent on clothes in the past 3 months—I didn’t know, and he wasn’t happy about that. I just know that I have more money coming in than I am spending, so it’s all good, right?!? 😛 But no, I need to budget for real. My strategy is not good long-term!! When I started out though, I was not spending money on the blog since I didn’t have a job after recently moving to Texas, and the blog wasn’t bringing in any income. I would just take pictures of the clothes in my closet with our little point-and-shoot camera and take collaborations in exchange for clothes. I also didn’t know much about blogging, so I didn’t want to sink money into something that I didn’t know was going to turn into anything. It was definitely more of a hobby at that point. But eventually we invested in a good camera and that really helped in producing better quality content and getting me sponsored collabs.
Tip: If you are just starting out blogging, don’t do what I did. Make a budget now–don’t wait! And get your partner involved in the budget too. If both parties are in agreement when it comes to spending money, then it can relieves a lot of tension!
5. How do you make time for each other?
Some weeks we spend more time together than others. Jon travels a little for work, so some weeks, we barely get to see each other. Weekends are when we get to spend the most time together and we try to make the most of it! Usually we go out for diner one night and spend time together without any distractions! On Saturdays we try to sleep in and just lay in bed without rushing to go do something, since Sundays we are up early to shoot. I absolutely love our lazy Saturdays together and know its so important for us to have these moments to get reconnected after a week of sometimes feeling disconnected.
Tip: Find something you can do together. Jon and I get up early and are at the gym at 6am every day. As awful as this sounds, I cherish this time we have together. We don’t work out side-by-side, but it’s the time driving together and getting ready for the day that allows us to have some great conversations and quickly connect before we’re off to work. Now, I’m not saying you have to get up early and hit the gym together, but even setting aside 20 minutes each night for a walk outside, or a glass of wine together with no social media can help you feel more connected.
No relationship is perfect and each couple will have their challenges, but the important thing is to stay open minded and realize when there are areas for improvement. There is no perfect solution for running a business and mainitning a successful relationship, it takes communication, work and compromise. We have only been married two years, most of which we’ve had the blog. There have been many challenges along the way, but its helped us to grow stronger together and find solutions to make it work! I am grateful to have such an amazing and supportive husband (who actually does more dishes and laundry than me) to navigate this journey with me!